you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
