just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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