I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
