Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
