whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
