Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
