woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
