where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
