I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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