we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
