so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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