Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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