im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
