Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
