It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
