Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
whose parrot is this?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
