Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
