Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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