everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
