i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my being single is dangerous.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
