just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
