I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
