Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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