I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she pinky promised me she was 18
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
