My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
