i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
