do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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