He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
