the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
