I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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