so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
