she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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