If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
