nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this will be a night to untag.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
