dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
