you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
