I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
