Buhtt sex?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
