Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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