I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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