Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This is classic penis vs brain.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
