Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
