so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
