Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
