this beer tastes like vomit already
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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