i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
