you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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