Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
