how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
