turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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