Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just cropdusted the office
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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