There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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