So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
