I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
