I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
