I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
