just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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